An old friend of mine once opened up her blog to her friends, asking us each to suggest a blog subject for her.
I suggested that she, being so great at html, get cropped pictures of her hottest celebrity crushes and piece them together to form her perfect man.
Well, that ended up taking too long, so she just sort of listed them for us. I don't remember what she listed exactly, just that it included Joe Jonas's eye brows.
Her list isn't terribly important. What IS important is the after effect.
It put an image in her mind of her IDEAL mate, the one she would want to marry or at least make hot mix-babies with. And it also instilled in her an insane need to NOT SETTLE.
She went asexual for a year because no guy in existence was her Perfect Man.Obviously, perfection isn't attainable. And I'm not advocating going completely off the dating reserve for forever.
Just that, as with anything, you need a clear idea of what you want, so you'll be less likely to settle in the future.
Later on you can tweak it... whatever.
Plus it's fun. Screw what exists and what doesn't, make him have violet eyes and an ass like Superman.
For example, I have a thing for guys with big noses. Schnauzes.
Adrian Brody's Nose
Josh Hartnett's Eyes
Alex Pettyfer's Bone Structure
Christian Bale's Voice
Robin Thicke's Musical Talent and Romantic-ness
Josh Hartnett's Lips
Robin Thicke's Body
(couple repeats, I know)
Also, no one more than five years older than me.
Will I settle? No. I might compromise. But the Schnauze is my deal breaker.
Happy Friday?
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
where NOT to meet your Prince Charming
Because obviously if I knew where TO meet him, this whole blog would be moot.
So, hypothetically... you're out of school which was a great big dating scene for you way back...
Now where do you look?
Lesson 1
Say it with me:
For the love of St Pete, DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT!
Meaning, I know it seems easy. That cute guy who works two cubicles over, or who bar tends at the job that you serve at... But there is only a 1 in a million chance of that working out.
Come on, ladies, didn't we all watch He's Just Not That Into You? I know we'd all like to believe we're special, and to one guy maybe someday we will be. But your own safety, operate under the impression that you are the rule and not the exception. And the rule is, don't date coworkers. Sure, at first it's nice. You see each other all the time, you get to form your own little duo to tag team the work load, the day goes by way faster. But WHEN you break up, you still have to go to work. You STILL have to see him ALL THE TIME. That job you once loved is now Hell.
Lesson 2
For those of you with IPhone, ever notice how "dtf" instantly gets translated "STD"?
You know where acronyms are best used? Clubs. Because you can't hear SHIT. Get straight to the point. You're not making any meaningful conversation with the guy grinding on your ass. You're drunk. He's drunk. And he's probably a d-bag. The same goes for bars. Everyone's out to have a good time. Most guys associate a good time with bumping uglies.
A generally good rule of thumb is that you're probably not going to meet him anywhere they serve alcohol at.The exceptions to this are speed-dating and church.
Lesson 3
If he's trolling at the gym, there's something wrong with him.
Just saying, there's nothing wrong with taking care of your body. In fact, I applaud you for it. And if you meet a guy who does that too, and he's got an ass hot enough to make omelets on - he's could very well be a keeper. HOWEVER, what I'm talking about are those guido types, "juice head" that just want to "smoosh" and are watching you on the leg machine wondering how good you are at kegel exercise... Avoid those like the plague. Chances are they suck in bed anyway.
So, hypothetically... you're out of school which was a great big dating scene for you way back...
Now where do you look?
Lesson 1
Say it with me:
For the love of St Pete, DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT!
Meaning, I know it seems easy. That cute guy who works two cubicles over, or who bar tends at the job that you serve at... But there is only a 1 in a million chance of that working out.
Come on, ladies, didn't we all watch He's Just Not That Into You? I know we'd all like to believe we're special, and to one guy maybe someday we will be. But your own safety, operate under the impression that you are the rule and not the exception. And the rule is, don't date coworkers. Sure, at first it's nice. You see each other all the time, you get to form your own little duo to tag team the work load, the day goes by way faster. But WHEN you break up, you still have to go to work. You STILL have to see him ALL THE TIME. That job you once loved is now Hell.
Lesson 2
For those of you with IPhone, ever notice how "dtf" instantly gets translated "STD"?
You know where acronyms are best used? Clubs. Because you can't hear SHIT. Get straight to the point. You're not making any meaningful conversation with the guy grinding on your ass. You're drunk. He's drunk. And he's probably a d-bag. The same goes for bars. Everyone's out to have a good time. Most guys associate a good time with bumping uglies.
A generally good rule of thumb is that you're probably not going to meet him anywhere they serve alcohol at.The exceptions to this are speed-dating and church.
Lesson 3
If he's trolling at the gym, there's something wrong with him.
Just saying, there's nothing wrong with taking care of your body. In fact, I applaud you for it. And if you meet a guy who does that too, and he's got an ass hot enough to make omelets on - he's could very well be a keeper. HOWEVER, what I'm talking about are those guido types, "juice head" that just want to "smoosh" and are watching you on the leg machine wondering how good you are at kegel exercise... Avoid those like the plague. Chances are they suck in bed anyway.
An Ex-Girlfriend's Best Friend
I read a book once called Confessions of An Ex-Girlfriend.
It said "Single girls are an ex-girlfriend's best friend."
Ladies ...and more ladies,
I'm a single girl, and I look forward to being your best friend on this magical journey.
So for those of you who don't live in Miami, here's a little background. Basically every guy is like or aspires to be like Pit Bull. If you're like me, and you hate Pit Bull, tough cookies!
Dale'!
Women in this town are mostly Amazaonians. They're either exotic hispanic women with dark skin and amazing bodies. Or they're blonde bombshells with equally amazing bodies. Almost everyone has had plastic surgery. And above all, women outnumber the men 10:1.
If a guy is IN a relationship, he cheats. But MOST guys don't get into relationships. They know they're going to have bitches on platters REGARDLESS. So they don't see any need to "settle down."
I was brought up to think that at about age 27, guys started to think more about marriage and children. Not in this town. Here they do that either by accident at 15, or they wait until they're 40. Or even better, they just never do it and they stay bachelor's their whole lives.
Finding a guy to get into a relationship in this town is like finding a needle in a proverbial hay stack.
Will all the eligible non-douche bags PLEASE stand up?
It said "Single girls are an ex-girlfriend's best friend."
Ladies ...and more ladies,
I'm a single girl, and I look forward to being your best friend on this magical journey.
So for those of you who don't live in Miami, here's a little background. Basically every guy is like or aspires to be like Pit Bull. If you're like me, and you hate Pit Bull, tough cookies!
Dale'!
Women in this town are mostly Amazaonians. They're either exotic hispanic women with dark skin and amazing bodies. Or they're blonde bombshells with equally amazing bodies. Almost everyone has had plastic surgery. And above all, women outnumber the men 10:1.
If a guy is IN a relationship, he cheats. But MOST guys don't get into relationships. They know they're going to have bitches on platters REGARDLESS. So they don't see any need to "settle down."
I was brought up to think that at about age 27, guys started to think more about marriage and children. Not in this town. Here they do that either by accident at 15, or they wait until they're 40. Or even better, they just never do it and they stay bachelor's their whole lives.
Finding a guy to get into a relationship in this town is like finding a needle in a proverbial hay stack.
Will all the eligible non-douche bags PLEASE stand up?
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